So, I started my Christmas shop yesterday.

Before you throw your coffee at the monitor or dangle the laptop out of a nearby window in disgust, it wasn’t something I wanted to do. Christmas belongs to December; I noticed a Christmas tree in the Hourglass on Lower Briggate early September and I’ve boycotted it ever since.

Thing is, my parents have promised to pick up some of the more cumbersome presents this weekend and take them back to my home town. Since my circle of friends insist on having (cute, funny, lovely) kids, the train ride home for Christmas gets more and more difficult. Who wants to be sat next to the person balancing a tub of Duplo, six Winnie-the-Poohs and a drum kit on their lap? No-one wants to be friends with that guy.

Well, apart from any man drinking Stella Artois on a train – they’re desperate to chat to anyone. I think I sneezed once and Stella guy picked up with “Bless you. Well, now that we’re talking…”

The other tricky aspect of buying for the kids is the retail experience. I like the Early Learning Centre for good quality, educational gifts, though walking through its door prompts an epidemic of maternal Turrets as women summon their children to their sides; everyone automatically assumes the worst of a single bloke in a toy shop.

“Chelsea/Christabel/Stephanie-Louise, here, NOW.”

To come back to the Christmas shop, it struck me that it might be a case of ‘the earlier we start, the better’ this year.

Almost every winter, journalists discuss the influence of the X Factor, suggesting we might as well kiss goodbye to our free will as consumers as the show marches on. However, the impact, importance and potential of related advertising has really come to the fore in 2011, following this sad week for the Muppets. Not only are they missing out on hosting the Oscars, but earlier on, they also kissed goodbye to the X Factor dream.

Frankie Cocozza, or the contestant most likely to be a Jim Henson creation, has (been) withdrawn from the running following alleged drug use.

Quick! Get him off the M&S ad before buyers think they lace the cranberry sauce!

I’m joking: there’s no question that the founding father of high-street retail was doing the right thing by editing Frankie out of its TV ads. However, Marks & Sparks’ PR machine seem really determined to milk the scandal it for all it’s worth as stories of its revised campaign are appearing everywhere.

Typically, it would just be a valid, interesting news story worthy of extensive coverage but the stampede of organisations and individuals looking to exploit the ITV vehicle in 2011 makes it difficult to determine genuine, newsworthy information from Tulisa and Kelly supposedly feuding over a leading line of nail varnish.

In my humble opinion, PR professionals would be foolish not to make the most out of the X Factor, but it all feels a little crowded this November. As brands, contestants and judges compete for their share of the limelight, I feel like I’m having my intelligence insulted.

We’re lacking a truly transparent figure or affiliate to maintain the integrity of the show and suggest “it’s all about the music folks” rather than product endorsements or playing the fame game.

Bring back the Yeo Valley farmers and Simon Cowell – at least both were upfront and honest about what they wanted from their audience.

The reason I’m getting all theological – aside from it being the Sabbath – is a Click report on BBC News this morning that really stood out to me. The diversity of religious practice across Singapore has provided a market for mobile apps that ‘enhance the religious experience’ according to the Beeb. Muslim Pro, for example, will point to Mecca, play readings from the Quran and locate the nearest Mosque.

It’s developers have recorded 1.5 million downloads over the last 12 months and, more recently, a further 3 – 5,000 a day. Talk about religious fervour.

I envy the commitment of those Hindus that feel such an affinity with their religion that they need to be in close proximity of a holy place at all times. I think the last time anyone in my social circle used GPS technology to locate a local chapter of, what they’d call an ‘institution,’ was to find a KFC in Newquay. Sigh.

What concerns me about these apps (yes, a new blog post, a new worry) is the prognosis of social and religious commentators in this same report. Those quoted foresaw these apps as enticing young, tech-savvy citizens into becoming interested in religion, helping to factor faith into a hectic teen lifestyle.

Don’t get me wrong; there’s no doubt that making aspects of religion available in a friendlier format will raise awareness. In terms of accessibility, an app on your iphone vs. the dusty family Bible is no contest. Just so long as people don’t simply take a moment away from Angry Birds, download a faith-oriented app and proclaim themselves a devotee on this basis alone.

It’s just that the more mature, more religious people I know wince at the modern day treatment of Christianity, for example, and with good reason. Whether it’s Lady Gaga’s ‘Judas’ or the ubiqituous crucifix necklace, often referencing only Elizabeth Duke to the wearer and little else. For them, I know that apps like this will be seen as simply window dressing their faith, feeding into a trend that belongs to those who don’t really care rather than promoting any sort of engagement with religion.

Please, I really don’t want to come across as pious; I’m as confused about everything as the next man. All I know is for sure that people’s faith is incredibly important to them, so I try and respect that. That, and Sunday School used to terrify me.

My only hope is that, as Singapore’s Central Christian Church appoints Teo Yig Zern – it’s first Technical Director – to help fight the good fight over social media channels, these software developers stress that an app is only a convenient portal into learning and not a means of becoming a card-carrying Buddhist or Muslim or Christian or whatever’s available on the android market. It’s got to take more than that.

Just because Jane Fonda tells you you’re doing a ‘great job’ on her exercise video, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re not sat on the sofa eating a Chocolate Orange.

Sweet in that cloud music players will be deemed legal. Users can upload their music collection to a virtual storage system and access their favourite tracks from anywhere with internet connectivity. Handy.

Bitter in that it’s taken this long for the government to formally admonish laws which have been unnecessary and, more significantly, flouted for years.

I think every person who watched the BBC Breakfast report on format shifting (converting legally owned data from one format to another for personal use) was probably a little miffed. On the news that UK citizens could soon upload the contents of their CD to their MP3 player, for example, an audience of millions must have cocked their head to one side to say, in unison, “Really? That’s not already legal?”

No. It isn’t.

It took the Hargreaves review to prompt Vince Cable to reconsider these laws and, since he has, the Business Secretary has been quoted in or interviewed on almost every platform going, possibly to bask in the glow of a job well done. After all, this relaxed approach to format shifting will boost the economy by £8 billion, he claims.

I really don’t see how. If most of the UK failed to realise they were in the wrong, how will spending habits change? I think it’s safe to say that the reason iPod sales have been slowing over the last few months, according to recent reports, is not down to a sudden crisis of conscience across the country. (It’s because smartphones are so in right now, according to Wired.)

One piece of good news to come from the report is that laws against artistic parodies will be far less stringent. It’s just as well we’ll still be able to laugh, eh?

So. It’s a Tuesday or a Sunday night. The only thing on TV is a repeat of ‘How to Look Good Naked.’ Things could go one of two ways. You might learn whether a pencil skirt really is right for your shape – despite the fact you’re a man (and your legs really need toning) – or you get in touch with someone, go to your local and take on the pub quiz.

I love pub quizzes. I get a spike of adrenalin from the cocktail of trivia, stout and competitive tension. There’s nothing like trying to pick the questions out of the quizmaster’s broad accent and a crackly AV system whilst recounting the Eurythmics’ discography or pretending to know the capital of Luxembourg.

Even if I haven’t caught one in a while, I’ll watch the Kamikaze Lager episode from Phoenix Nights.
“And the answer is the Shroud of Turin”
“What did we have down?”
“Lisa Stansfield.”

I cry with laughter every time.

Sitting down to BBC Breakfast this morning, groundbreaking US research made me think of a good, old fashioned 40-questions-with-picture-round. It would seem that cheeky quiz cheats that depend on their smartphones are officially missing out, in the grand scheme of things.

Academics from Columbia University have announced that “people are adapting their ability to remember because of the formidable power of search engines such as Google to remember things for them.” In other words, the brain’s faculty to recall stored information is compromised if we depend too much on the internet as a resource. Use it or lose it.

I admit that this will hardly make people, when they’re stumped, think twice before reaching for an iPhone. In fact, that’s the beauty of something as powerful as the internet being available on a mobile phone/tablet/whatever.

However, when information is accessible 24/7, challenging your faculties and retaining basic brain function is as important as ever, as reported in this article. Next time I lose – which will probably the next time I compete – it was not have been in vain. I’m so proud of myself. In fact, it could even be said that missing out on the gallon of beer prize will help me retain brain cells. Clutching at straws? Yep.

The smartphone’s future appearance at the pub quiz is inevitable although, when I’m landlord, it’ll be put to much better use. Mashable posted details of a new wireless headband that displays brain activity via an android app today. Hardly the halcyon days of Britain’s first pub quiz, but the cheat’s aid could well be their undoing at The Cooledge Arms.

According to the BBC this week, the contents of Finland’s National Library are being digitised with the help of an online game. Microtask – the developers of ‘Digital Koot’, meaning ‘digital volunteers’ in Finnish – has devised a webgame that converts keyboard input into bridges for cartoon moles to cross a chasm.

When I first read the story, it gave me the same rush I’d have taking my favourite board game to school on the last day of term. Imagine – fun AT work. Not that I don’t have that at my current job already, of course (and my line manager will probably read this.)

‘Gamification’ of work, just like this, will be implemented by 50% of company’s offices by 2015, according to analysts at Gartner. In the words of Mary Poppins: “You find the fun and *snap* the job’s a game.” That’s exactly what employees are expected to respond to, leading to enhanced productivity.

A spoonful of sugar is not an entirely new concept though; in fact it’s already been around for a few years already. It was 2008 that a primary school in Dundee reduced truancy and saw a 10% improvement in pupil’s maths skills after using a Nintendo DS in certain lessons. The children were reportedly more engaged than ever and really responded to a more interactive medium that left certain text books looking as current as cave paintings.

I don’t think maturity or wisdom will be a barrier to adults enjoying having their monotonous tasks reborn as something similar to Digital Koot. In fact, everyday aspects of my life already fit nicely into certain video game scenarios:

• Going to work: Call of Duty.
• Trying to find the perfect other half: Final Fantasy.
• Checking my personal finances: Doom.

Cameras don’t like me and I’ve tried everything. Flashes wipe my flesh tone and the outcome is something a fanatic might produce in support of the life-beyond-death argument. However, thanks to a Photo Booth app that night, a nostalgic sepia effect kept my colour and even smoothed over my ruddy awful complexion. I think I sighed with relief.

As rare as a solar eclipse, I always get excited when somebody manages to take a good photo of me. It’s usually because I can share it on facebook with my friends (provided they aren’t part of the group allegedly shunning it at the moment.) There are plenty of studies that suggest social networking boosts confidence and people skills and I can well believe it. It’s a great opportunity to put forward the best version of yourself, as well being the perfect playground for cyber-disinhibition.

What disappoints me is that, whilst most social networking promotes self esteem, others are all too happy to unpick it.

I was delighted to think that beautifulpeople.com had been infiltrated by renegades with enough techy know-how to bypass the entry criteria yesterday. Infamously dropping members for ‘gaining holiday weight’ last January, the site only permits forum members that are considered attractive by other users. For the codeheads behind ‘Shrek’ to have gained access was one-up for those continually disappointed with how their photos turn out, reclaiming online societies for all.

However, reports that the hack was a hoax for publicity meant that I didn’t get chance to fly the flag for long. Isn’t it a little crass to gate a community and create a USP, then use those outside the elite as fodder for column inches? Maybe it’s just me.

I even purchased my own domain name. Like the time Lisa Simpson’s Jewish supply teacher handed her a note with her own name on it, it was a moment of true self realisation. I went from being an ill-fated nerd to an ill-fated nerd with a name. What a buzz.

It did lead me to think of others trying to reinvent themselves at the moment, though. Diageo, for example, is under fire for sponsoring an alcohol awareness campaign for pregnant women. The donation of £4 million from the leading spirits company will help educate expectant mothers with a view to reduce case numbers of Foetal Alcohol Syndrome.

I appreciate the uproar to an extent; it might be like paying for the tea and biscuits at an AA meeting. Sometimes its insulting or too little, too late.

The issue I have is that Diageo is attempting to nip this serious condition in the bud, not roll up and throw money at those sometimes beyond help.

What’s more, suggesting the company maintains its distance from pregnant women is pretty old fashioned. Marketers scoffed at theorists that classed the environment as a valid stakeholder that deserves as much focus as employees or shareholders. Today, a company wouldn’t survive if it didn’t have a water-tight green policy that addressed any pollution generated and an outline of preventative measures that could be put in place.

Why is it such a stretch to some journalists to believe Diageo’s CRM strategy wants to engage with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome in a similar way?

I found this just as interesting though, if not more.

Making the most of the company subscription to The Times online, I was left bemused by an article on ‘My Farm.’ Drawing on the success of facebook app Farmville, Cambridgeshire’s Wimpole Farm now makes agricultural decisions based on the consensus of an online global community of 2,000. Photos of farm produce, cultivated as a result of tactics devised online, are posted to this National Trust initiative’s online forum.

It reminded me a little bit of something else I saw last year: a firm that prints and binds all posts on your facebook profile wall as a keepsake. I still think this is a great idea, but I’m less taken with ‘My Farm.’ I think, sadly, it’s down to my age.

Academics regularly discuss the growing division between Generation X – those still respond best to physical stimulus after being brought up with pen and paper – and computer savvy Generation Y, who first used a keyboard at 3 days old and can organise their mind like a Windows desktop.

To me, a facebookbook is almost a way of showing respect for your elders. It takes a language in which the younger generation are far more fluent and translates it for those older and wiser.

When something as organic as farming evolves into an online community to help Generation Y engage with it, I almost get a little bit angry. My first impulse is to tell teens to get out into their back garden and plant some ruddy seeds. Why not achieve your own turnips, rather than covet a JPEG of some in Cambridgeshire? Am I being unreasonable? Or, worse yet, old fashioned?

The concept itself is almost an anachronism.

However, certain aspects of this traditional relationship between lender and borrower are alive and well today. Content might be available over thousands of new channels but some providers seem to keep up unreasonable restrictions and stamp a date, in red, on all outgoing media.

Spotify announced today that it’s free music allowance will be halved from 20 hours to 10 on May 1st. Six million users in the UK will be allowed to listen to one particular song five times a month until the online music library renders it unavailable.

Spotify remains one of the best models for tackling illegal downloading: easy to access (and purchase) content attained with the permission of record labels. Although co-founder Daniel Ek is probably making a shrewd business move, he’s driving music fans – happy to operate within the realms of the law – off of the straight and narrow.

It seems a shame, especially considering the music industry’s very public struggle with internet piracy issues. The Recording Industry Association of America had their entire CSR strategy questioned in 2003 when filing a lawsuit against a 12 year old girl accused of illegally downloading music. Lobbyists felt so passionately that an independent group financially recompensed the family for the amount sued in fact.

More recently, in 2009, the Digital Economy Bill threatened to force the hands of UK ISPs to disconnect homes suspected of piracy. It still looks likely that broadband providers will need to make these cuts – at their own cost – and block all sites suspected of sharing content without permission.

What I’d like to see is, rather than a government hell bent on policing existing channels, is one happy to innovate and develop its own. There’s no reason why the nation couldn’t have a similar library as Spotify, subsidised using Digital Economy Bill resources, with any profit paid into the struggling UK music industry.

92% of internet shoppers interviewed admitted that they’d switch to a competitor if their preferred e-tailer’s site was suffering any kind of technical problem. Not surprising really; if you need the essentials from the supermarket, stock levels + need = sometimes having to plump for second best.

What’s especially interesting is that, if an online transaction failed in any way, the majority of the UK isn’t inclined to offer any second chances; only 25% would revisit and reattempt.

It makes you realise how easy we have it as a customer. As IPv6 draws closer, mobile devices will have a more seamless connection; without tricky reconfiguration at every new network. Ecommerce is going to be even more accessible at anytime, anywhere and with fewer complications. Today’s shops are always open.

Because of this, e-tailers should – and do – continue to ensure their site is constantly available. It only takes a new browser window for your audience to discover the next best thing and never look back.